What should I do?
(http://kidshealth.org/kid/talk/qa/family_friend_died.html) |
Today is going
to be great, thought Kate. Her best friend, Sarah, had been absent from school
for the last week. Without her, hanging upside down from the monkey bars had
been boring. The walk home from school had been lonely. She missed Sarah at
lunchtime, too.
But today Sarah
was coming back and things were going to be back to normal. Sarah had missed so
much school because her grandmother had died. Kate thought that was really sad.
She hoped Sarah would be feeling better by now.
But when Sarah
got on the bus, she seemed different. She tried to smile, but she didn't look
happy. Kate had a lot to tell her, but it didn't seem like she was really
listening. Sarah barely talked at all. What was going on?
How People
Grieve These are
different ways of coping, or grieving (say:
grieving).
Coping and grieving are two words that describe the way people adjust to or
deal with a difficult change in their lives. The death of a loved one is a big
change, and people cope and grieve in different ways. That's OK. There isn't
one right way to grieve.
It's hard to
know which ways you will cope or grieve until you face a difficult change. You
might want to be alone and sit in your room. Or maybe you would want to talk
with your mom, dad, or another grown-up about the person you miss. You also
might want to scream at the top of your lungs - even if you're usually a calm
kid.
And some kids
might just want to get back to normal life - go to school, play, do the regular
things they usually do. All these feelings are normal and a person might
experience a whole lot of different feelings while he or she is going through
this hard time.
How You Can Help That's a way for
Kate to let Sarah know that she feels sad for her. It may help Sarah start
talking about her feelings. But it's also OK if Sarah doesn't want to talk much
about it. Kate also could simply say: "If you want to talk about it, I will
listen." That's a really kind thing to say.
Don't be
surprised if your friend doesn't want to talk. But if your friend does, it can
help to remember and to talk about the good times when the person was alive.
It's also OK for you to sometimes cry with your friend who feels so sad.
Kate wanted
Sarah to be her old self, but that doesn't always happen right away. Some
sadness stick with a person for a long time. At first, the person may not feel
like playing or having fun like he or she used to. After more time goes by,
most people do feel happy again even though they still miss the person who
died. You might want to talk to grown-ups about how they felt when a loved one
died and what it was like for them as they started to feel better.
If, after a
while, you are worried because your friend doesn't seem to be getting back to
being his or her old self, tell a parent,
school counselor, or teacher that you are
concerned. That way your friend can get help with sadness or other feelings he
or she might have.
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